Healing Energy

Our bodies serve as the spirit’s connection to the material world. Most people believe there is some sort of afterlife and that our souls move on to another place, like heaven, or another dimension, when the body dies. Many people also believe that we possess the ability to connect or communicate with God directly through prayer and meditation and that these actions allow the spirit to move beyond the physical casing of the body. One might say that we possess the ability to quiet our minds and connect directly to the energy that we cannot visibly see.

I have written about how I feel more connected to Shani now in her death than I did when she was here. Being completely stripped of the human emotions that bog us down, the worry and anxiety of daily life, I believe that Shani is in a truly magical state, something far beyond human comprehension, something we can only begin to understand once we die.

When choosing our mates, we typically look for someone who shares similar interests. We search for someone with the same religious and political beliefs, life goals, or a shared taste in music and entertainment. Shani and I had a lot in common. Our differences complemented each other, and we did our best to appreciate them. During her life, the one thing that I was unable to ever truly understand was impact of the loss of her mother to murder. But, we now share that experience too. I now know what it is like to have lost a loved one, and more importantly my spouse, to murder. I now see why Shani felt the emotions she did and experienced the struggles she did. As I said, I am now connected to her in ways that I never could have been during her life. Shani and I already shared a spiritual connection on the deepest of levels. It would only stand to reason that while the physical connection has faded that our spiritual one has grown. Her soul still exists, as does mine, and if we connected on that level while she was alive, then why would that change?

I read an essay the other night written by a man who is now a spiritual healer. It told the story of how he felt connected to God, to his spiritual guides on the other side. It was something he always felt and recognized, but it wasn’t until he was seriously injured in a car accident that he fully accepted what he was feeling as real. He believed that he was told that he would heal, that what he had experienced was the truth, and following the accident, he has chosen to live his life sharing his experience with the world. Friends who know me well see me in his story and his statement that the pain he felt at that time of his accident overruled any kind of pain that he had ever felt before. They’ve heard me say this, too. He said that nothing ever came close. It took him to a place where the only peace he could find was in allowing his soul to let go and to allow God to handle it. He believes that if we can learn to follow our intuition and the gut feelings we have in life that we are being guided to fulfill our destinies regardless of what doubters might think. My experience over the past year has mirrored what I read until the very end where he finally accepted everything and began to live fully without worrying about the demands of others.

To this point, I have lived somewhat of a dual existence, visiting the very dark human emotions of anger and rage as well as deep sorrow, anguish, fear, and grief. I have come to realize that the surfacing of these emotions and the inner turmoil that they create offers the opportunity for growth. When I can identify the source of the pain, what it is that I am holding onto, I inevitably walk through a door with new insight and awareness. I grow. Through prayer and surrender I find a deeper connection with God. I then try to stay in that grounded space until something else comes up and the cycle continues. Through time, the swinging has become less extreme, and I find myself moving toward a more balanced space, being connected to God, most, if not all of the time.

Friday, I awoke feeling as though I was hanging on to nothing. I literally opened my eyes and immediately felt as if I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment. Time literally seemed to stop. I felt like I was being guided throughout my day, not worrying about anything, not stressing about the future nor fretting about that past. I didn’t care about how much money I had in the bank or whether or not anyone might think I was crazy for feeling the way I did. I had no expectations. I felt a pure connection as if angels had surrounded me, laying my path directly in front of me. I felt like I was making no decisions, that I wasn’t in control, but relished it. I felt like I was basking in love. As I drove to meet with Sean for an afternoon of writing, I saw the clouds and the blue sky. I felt like my soul wasn’t constrained by my body, as if it had grown outside of the skin like a warm glow now encasing my physical self. It was magical. I broke down. I wasn’t crying over grief. I wasn’t sad. I cried out of gratitude and the beautiful feeling I was experiencing in that moment. It was grace. It was a peace that I have never felt in my entire life. I had a number of occurrences happen yesterday that made me constantly feel as if I was surrounded by positive energy, confirming that what I was experiencing was very real, and that I was right where I was supposed to be throughout the day. I WAS being guided.

So in the afternoon, in that connected place, I went to visit my friend and his girlfriend who suffered a stroke in the hospital. I shared with them what I was feeling and how I was just trying to let go of expectations, to keep my mind clear and the spiritual channel open. As one of her doctors came in to speak with her, I looked at her left arm cradled in her lap. The stroke has caused paralysis on the left side of her body, and she has been unable to move it for almost three weeks now. For someone so active and head-strong, as well as so young, 49, she is mustering every amount of courage possible to get through this. I feel so deeply for what she is going through right now. The losses I have experienced are tangible in the way that they are outside of my body. But for her, it is her body that has failed her. In my opinion, this is the most fundamental form of loss that anyone can experience—having your own body let you down.

As we sat there, the thought came to my mind that since I was having such a connected day, maybe I could channel some positive energy her way. I think everyone at some point or another has focused their attention on an inanimate object trying to move it and to tap into some sort of telepathic ability. C’mon, we’ve all done it. We’ve all prayed for something to happen or asked for miracles in our lives, too. But for me, with the peace I felt yesterday, it was almost a subconscious action. I looked at her arm, and initially, the thought of increasing blood flow floated across my mind. I brushed it aside, knowing that it was the nervous system that needed help. I then visualized the nerves firing up with electrical energy to stimulate the muscles. I stared at the arm for a minute totally expecting and believing that it would move, just as I might have tried to get a book to levitate in the past, or call on Shani to appear out of thin air. When it didn’t happen, I just thought to myself, “You’re trying too hard.”

And then I let go of all expectations, closed my eyes and prayed. I said, “C’mon God, give her something. Heal her arm.” I breathed deeply and focused all of my energy, completely uninhibited by thought or emotion in the direction of her arm. After a minute or two, I opened my eyes.

For the most part, I carried that connectedness into the evening and throughout the night. And this morning, I received a text from my friend. It stated that last night his girlfriend had moved her arm for the first time in nearly three weeks.

For a moment I was breathless.

Call the movement she experienced what you will. For me, however, I can’t deny what has been the fundamental foundation for my faith. She has had people praying for her throughout this ordeal. Prayer has been invaluable for me in making it through the last year. I have received the benefits of prayer and healing energy. I have received the grace of God. However, there is nothing more powerful than witnessing it first hand in someone else. Please understand that I am not trying to convince anyone of anything here and am most certainly not claiming to have any kind of otherworldly powers, at least nothing more than any one of us already possess. We all have the ability to pray. We all have the ability to manifest positive energy in our lives. We all have the ability to let go of attachments that inhibit our spiritual connection. We all have it. I am not here to convert skeptics, but to simply share my story honestly, which is all I have ever wanted or felt called to do. At the end of the day, I believe that what I have witnessed first-hand can directly be attributed to the power of prayer, the power of our shared, healing energy, and the power of love. It is the power of God.