Shani's Little Girl

I’ve spent the past 24 hours preparing for a trip to Texas. I had originally planned on making a full West Coast jaunt until a couple of things at home caused me to stop and revise the schedule a bit. It does seem, however, that the opportunity to get out of here for 10 days or so is presenting itself. I’m going out to Austin to spend some time with Adam, who was mine and Shani’s roommate in our first apartment together in Chattanooga back in 1999-2000. I haven’t seen him in years, but we’ve really reconnected since Shani’s death. I tell him practically every time we speak that I’ll never forget Valentine’s Day in 2000 when he rode with me to get mine and Shani’s first dog, a black Shar-Pei named Bizkit. This dog was so ridiculously adorable that she didn’t look real. We actually nicknamed her “Gund” because of her resemblance to an actual stuffed toy. She was the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

Healing Energy

Our bodies serve as the spirit’s connection to the material world. Most people believe there is some sort of afterlife and that our souls move on to another place, like heaven, or another dimension, when the body dies. Many people also believe that we possess the ability to connect or communicate with God directly through prayer and meditation and that these actions allow the spirit to move beyond the physical casing of the body. One might say that we possess the ability to quiet our minds and connect directly to the energy that we cannot visibly see.

I have written about how I feel more connected to Shani now in her death than I did when she was here. Being completely stripped of the human emotions that bog us down, the worry and anxiety of daily life, I believe that Shani is in a truly magical state, something far beyond human comprehension, something we can only begin to understand once we die.

Moving To New York (Part Two)

In my last post, I started the story of mine and Shani’s move to New York City.  CLICK HERE TO READ PART ONE

The following is the completion of that story…

In the time between calling the cops and parking the truck, Shani had located the apartment building and joined us on the corner. An Asian man and his family suddenly appeared among the group motioning over to his car, the Honda with the smashed mirror. I apologized over and over, and he just nodded again and again, apparently unable to speak English. I said that I would pay for it, but the communication barrier posed a problem. As we stood there near his car and he surveyed the damage, I took his information and promised to call him the following day to arrange payment for the broken mirror. We were able to get that much accomplished through broken English and improvised sign language. I returned to my conversation with the police officers.

Moving To New York (Part One)

In July of 2002, I was employed with Crunch Fitness, a health club chain based in New York City. At the time I was the Area Sales Director for the company’s 6 clubs in Atlanta. We had a pretty successful year to that point and there had been a shift in upper management in New York, creating a void for the same position in Manhattan. I thought for sure that they would either promote someone that lived in the city or hire someone more familiar with those particular clubs, so when I got the call offering me the position, not only was I floored, but I accepted it on the spot. Shani and I knew there was always the possibility I could get it, but no one had ever really mentioned anything concrete, certainly nothing along the lines of my having been the front-runner for the job.

I’ll never forget Shani’s response when I called to tell her.

Attachment Brings Suffering

What if everything with which you identified yourself in this world was suddenly gone? What if your spouse was murdered, your career evaporated, and your home all disappeared as if into thin air? What if you found yourself so distraught and haunted that you couldn’t sleep? What if you felt as if you had lost your mind? Where would you find peace or solace?

The Spiritual Path

This week has been quite an introspective time for me. Sean has been out of town on vacation, so we haven’t been meeting to write, and I’ve had a lot going on personally. Things seemed to be all over the place. Whenever I find myself emotionally spun like this, I will inevitably find myself standing there, looking up at the sky, asking, “What do you want me to do with this?”

It was the same back on the night of June 2, 2009. While just trying to make it through the night before catching my flight from Fort Lauderdale back to Atlanta, that was the exact question I posed to God.

“What do you me to do with this?”

Pain Is Pain

I just got home from the hospital after visiting a friend of mine and his live-in girlfriend, who suffered a stroke about 2 weeks ago. I hadn’t been over to see her yet and felt guilty. I was thinking about this and the past two weeks as I sat in the parking lot prior to going in.

Her stroke occurred at a time when I was experiencing my fair share of “heavy,” and I wasn’t responding well to any stress. I felt completely overwhelmed. When I found out about the stroke, all I could manage was just putting myself out there for them in case they needed anything. Regardless, I felt horrible for not having been present before now.