Taking A Swing At Life

As I wrote in my Father’s Day post a couple of months ago, baseball has long been a deep connection that my father and I share. He was my coach all the way through high school, and I can’t even begin count the number of games we have attended together—from Spring Training through the last game of the World Series and everything in-between, including the College and Little League World Series. If it’s associated with baseball, my dad and I are tuned in. The baseball people out there know exactly how I feel. Dad and I decided in late May to finally take the father/son pilgrimage we had talked about forever to the real Field of Dreams located in Dyersville, Iowa, the actual site where the movie was filmed. We made the trip last week. Everything is still there—the house, the field, the bleachers and the corn, all of it. And 20 years later it looks just as it did on the big screen.

Guest Post Notification

Today’s post can be seen as a guest blog at Rockyourbodynyc.com. I’ve been very fortunate to have had some pretty incredible experiences out on the road over the course of my career, and this is definitely one of the most interesting of them all. For those of you who grew up in the 80’s like me, "Just a Gigolo" is a story you don’t want to miss! Rock on!!!

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To Men

I went on a couple of dates this week with the same woman.

I’ve been putting myself out there socially a bit more recently and have been out with a few women prior to this, but this one was different. We have a lot in common and a lot of differences at the same time. Good differences, the kind that complement each other. With all that’s happened in the last year or so, I’ve had enough time to think about the qualities that I’m looking for in a woman, and it just so happens that she has a lot of them. There’s no need to worry. I’m not running off to Vegas, nor am I allowing myself to be vulnerable to the point of having my heart completely trampled on…at least not yet. If anyone has had to learn what it means to “live in the moment” and cherish it for what it is, it’s me, and I’m doing just that. Hell, I could never see this woman again, and I would still be forever grateful for what she has already given me. The beauty of the last few days is that I can now see that I can actually develop feelings for someone again, someone other than Shani, someone very different from Shani. This is good.

A Picture

I finally started studying for my personal training certification last night. With all of the traveling I’ve been doing, I just haven’t had the motivation to dive in. At the same time, I’m no newbie to this stuff, but I’ve finally made the commitment to knock this thing out. For the first time in 10 years, I am getting back to what drew me to the fitness industry in the first place, the desire to help others. By establishing myself as a trainer again, I am also mobile. Should I decide to relocate, no matter where I go, I can take my business with me. With that, I really can do whatever I choose to do.

As I was discussing a friend’s training program with him this afternoon, I was regurgitating all of the information I absorbed last night and began to feel that spark resurface, that passion I have for helping others experience the feeling of what it is to be healthy and strong, confident and motivated.

Guest Post Notification

I have been fortunate enough to have been invited to share my thoughts in a GUEST POST on another blog, so for this entry, I'm going to give you the link to my post on the other website.  Please, share your comments there, surf around the site, and recommend your friends to visit.  I'd love to throw some traffic to that site.

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What Does That Mean

I was up all night last night. I couldn’t sleep. It’s nothing new. My body simply refuses to shut down.

I fell in and out of consciousness between 7 and 10 in the morning and finally just decided to get up and face the day, what was to be my last day here in TX. My anxiety was high with the lack of sleep and the fact that I am heading back to TN tomorrow. It has been typical for me to experience my greatest breakthroughs and growth during these times of struggle, and today was no different. As I shared on my Facebook status months ago, “The greatest miracles in life happen in that place where ‘hanging on’ and ‘letting go’ collide.”

Just A Flight

I’m sitting next to my father, but no words are spoken. The flight attendant to my left looks as though she knows something is up. I’m trying to keep from falling out of my seat and into the aisle, from mentally cracking, screaming out loud, or both. I don’t trust myself, but I know I’m on a plane and don’t want to startle anyone. I’m hiding behind my sunglasses, with my ball cap pulled down low. The thoughts keep swirling in my head. Dead? Zeke? Where was she shot? How many times? Did she suffer?! God, no!!! Please tell me she didn’t suffer. No, no, no, no…HOW CAN SHE BE DEAD?!?! Dead?! At this point in time, I can’t even begin to wrap my brain around that fact, as if there is some part of me that thinks this is all a dream. I’m in shock. Tears are trickling down my cheeks in deep sorrow, and I tilt my head down to hide myself even further. Everything feels black. I just have to make it through the flight without incident, yet I struggle like a 2-year-old to sit still. I’ve never used so much energy to simply sit still.

Godzilla

I’m currently in Chicago for the weekend, and I’m staying with my cousin, David, his wife, Sarah, and their son 17-month-old son, Tyler, at their home in Aurora, which is about 45 minutes from downtown. It was almost a year ago to the week that I was here on my first trip outside of Atlanta after Shani’s death. I stayed with them for a few days, doing everything I could to just get away and possibly enjoy myself, attempting to escape the horror movie that my life had become only 2 months before. While here, it just so happened that the New York Yankees were in town, so David and I drove into the city to catch one of the four games that weekend.

Who Am I...now?

Sitting in a coffee shop alone in Austin on a hot Sunday afternoon, I look around and know no one. It was suggested that I would enjoy the vibe at this establishment as it represents some of the true, funky character that permeates this city. Everyone, including all of the customers and staff, seems to have at least one tattoo, and I can pick out at least eight different ethnicities or nationalities among them. It’s a very Bohemian theme, also prevalent in a large percentage of the other businesses I have visited as well.

Geneology & Geography

Over the course of my life, I have had situations that have caused me to question my spirituality, none more so than Shani’s death. Growing up, it was never a question. I was raised in a Catholic family, and I was taught this was God we’re talking about here. I wasn’t about to challenge something that could result in my spending the rest of eternity burning in hell. I believed what I believed, and that was that.

When Shani and I met, we were both searching for a sense of meaning in our lives. As time wore on, we became acutely aware of the soulful connection we shared. Shani’s journey was launched with the death of her mother when she was 21, and mine from my divorce at the age of 22. I never thought I would be a divorced father at the age of 25, and she certainly never could have imagined being motherless with a father in prison at the age of 30.