My Last Blog...For Now

“When people are faced with an evil that’s incomprehensible, they will respond and turn it into something positive.”  -Dr William Petit, Jr.

I came upon a People Magazine this morning and found an article that I could certainly relate to. During a home invasion in 2007, Dr. Petit’s wife and two daughters were murdered and he was brutally beaten and left for dead. Somehow he was able to escape and survive. Further into the article, I learned of the non-profit that he has set up in honor of his family and the $1.4 million that it has generated to this point. The story also told of his struggles to this day in trying to survive his horrible tragedy, including moving in with his parents and abandoning his medical practice. When I read the quote above, I reflected on my own experience. For months and months following Shani’s death, I held onto the belief that in doing something positive, in writing a book, or setting up some type of non-profit championing non-violence, I would honor Shani, and I began to put all of that in motion. Still reeling from the effects of intense grief and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I began bulldozing ahead, following the path of the hero.

A Yoga Practice For Living

When I think back to Shani’s murder 16 months ago, far enough removed from it to now see it from the perspective of an observer, I wonder how in the hell it is that I’m here. How did I not kill myself? How did I not drink myself into oblivion and completely self-destruct? How have I not completely lost my mind?

I read. I run. I ride. I write. I lift weights. I swim. I meditate and pray. I surround myself with loved ones and do my best to keep toxic energy out of my life. I see a therapist. I talk to Shani. I ask her for guidance. I eat healthy as much as possible. I cry. I laugh. I love. I live.

I also practice yoga.

Living

What to write…what to write. I’ve been in a great space for about a week now. I don’t have any stories to share off the top of my head, and frankly I’ve been too focused on my current day and potential of the future to spend much time dwelling on the past.

I’ve been living.

Freedom

I feel an amazing sense of freedom today. To start, it’s an absolutely beautiful day outside. The colors are just starting to turn, and it’s 80 degrees without a cloud in the sky. I knocked out a long run and was cheered on by a few homeless guys in the park downtown as I looped around a couple of times. That was cool. They raised their arms and smiled. I clapped my hands and yelled, “Just keep going, brothers! Keep going!” It was exhilarating.

The Trial (Part 2)

I’m not going to the trial.

The Trial

I don’t even know what to write. I’ve been wandering aimlessly throughout my days since Thursday, literally putting one foot in front of the other with no real direction outside of trying to get in a workout, studying when I can keep some sort of focus, and trying to write. I’ve not been very successful in any area really. I’ve ignored phone calls and text messages and disconnected from most of my friends and family.

I spoke to the District Attorney, whose office is handling Zeke’s case, on Thursday.