“You know why I’m sad, Maw Maw?” Sophie, my five year old niece, had been noticeably disturbed lately. “I’m sad because I never got to tell Aunt Shani goodbye.”
“Oh Sophie, I’m so sorry,” my Mom said.
“Uncle Mikey didn’t get to say goodbye, either, did he?” She looked up through the sad eyes of a wounded little angel.
“No Sophie. Your Aunt Shani had an accident. When someone has an accident like that, you don’t get to say goodbye.”
I’m so sorry, too, Sophie. I’m so, so sorry.
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Celebrate & Grieve
I went to Atlanta this weekend. Originally, I was supposed to go down Saturday night for a party for a friend of mine. Staci and her new husband were celebrating their recent marriage. After having a private ceremony a few months ago, they were just now having a get-together for their close friends.
I was concerned about being alone in a social environment, so I e-mailed her earlier in the week to tell her that I just wasn’t ready. She said she understood but still wanted to meet to have lunch if possible. Considering how busy the day was going to be for her, I was thrilled that she would take the time to come see me. It had been three years since I last saw her. Staci lost her best friend to murder 12 years ago and said she really wanted to be there for me. She thought she could help.
I was concerned about being alone in a social environment, so I e-mailed her earlier in the week to tell her that I just wasn’t ready. She said she understood but still wanted to meet to have lunch if possible. Considering how busy the day was going to be for her, I was thrilled that she would take the time to come see me. It had been three years since I last saw her. Staci lost her best friend to murder 12 years ago and said she really wanted to be there for me. She thought she could help.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I Hope You Have A Good Therapist
I just got home from seeing my therapist, Allie. I’ve written about seeing her before, but never alluded directly to my visits or the epiphanies that I’ve had with her over the last 6 months. I’m sure a lot of people’s first or second thoughts in considering what I was facing in all of this were probably along the lines of, “I hope he’s got a good therapist…” Well, yes, I do, thank you very much.
I felt sketchy as soon as I got in the car this morning. My days have been difficult as of late, going from one extreme to the other. I’ve been doing a lot of “pushing through things,” carrying the weight of the world on my back for a long time, but I hit the road for my hour and fifteen-minute drive down I-75. Yep, I drive an hour and fifteen minutes to see her. She’s that good.
I’ve written previously about how music has been a vessel by which Shani has communicated with me since her death, and obviously, a huge theme of the book Sean and I are writing is about mine and Shani’s connection with music. I’ve written about how Shani has sent me messages through song lyrics (as I type this, Crazy Love by Van Morrison is playing). At this point however, when hear something that seems to have come at the perfect time, or a specific song comes through, I’m simply comforted. It has become a common feeling that I now have about the interconnectedness of all things.
I felt sketchy as soon as I got in the car this morning. My days have been difficult as of late, going from one extreme to the other. I’ve been doing a lot of “pushing through things,” carrying the weight of the world on my back for a long time, but I hit the road for my hour and fifteen-minute drive down I-75. Yep, I drive an hour and fifteen minutes to see her. She’s that good.
I’ve written previously about how music has been a vessel by which Shani has communicated with me since her death, and obviously, a huge theme of the book Sean and I are writing is about mine and Shani’s connection with music. I’ve written about how Shani has sent me messages through song lyrics (as I type this, Crazy Love by Van Morrison is playing). At this point however, when hear something that seems to have come at the perfect time, or a specific song comes through, I’m simply comforted. It has become a common feeling that I now have about the interconnectedness of all things.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
In The Company of the Grieving
“When you think you know what to say, you don’t. When you don’t know what to say, you do… NOTHING.” -Me
On Tuesday, May 25th, I received the news that a younger cousin of mine, my mom’s nephew, had died a tragic death in my hometown of Sterling, IL. My mom has four sisters, and they’re all very close. Their mother, my grandma, passed away in October, just four months after Shani. So now, in losing her nephew, my mom was absolutely devastated, and my immediate concern was for her. In less than a year, she lost her daughter-in-law, her mother, and her nephew, who was also her god-son. I just wondered how much grief one woman could take before cracking.
On Tuesday, May 25th, I received the news that a younger cousin of mine, my mom’s nephew, had died a tragic death in my hometown of Sterling, IL. My mom has four sisters, and they’re all very close. Their mother, my grandma, passed away in October, just four months after Shani. So now, in losing her nephew, my mom was absolutely devastated, and my immediate concern was for her. In less than a year, she lost her daughter-in-law, her mother, and her nephew, who was also her god-son. I just wondered how much grief one woman could take before cracking.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Anger Management
Yesterday, I woke up in a funk. Actually, I couldn’t tell you the last time I woke up with a totally positive outlook. I suppose it was June 2, 2009, the morning Shani was killed.
She and I had been arguing the night before about where we were going to live when we moved to South Florida. I wanted to get a place on the water, and she wanted to be a bit further inland. I ended up being the one to bend, finding a condo only about 5 minutes from the beach. When I awoke the morning after, I sent her a quick text apologizing for the night before. She responded, “It’s ok babe. I get you.” She did, too. She always “got” me. After that exchange of texts, I went about my day, excited about my new job, the move, and our future in Florida. Little did I know that she would be dead later on that day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)